Note: I wrote this a month ago when my cat, Pie, died, but I didn’t have the heart to post it. Yesterday, I let my Yorkshire terrier, Rocky, go. Somehow I feel like it’s time to explain why I regret nothing, even though I’ve experienced the pain of losing two much loved pets in a month. Although this post is about Pie, it speaks to my feelings for Rocky as well.
Pie and Rocky
“Why do you do it?”
A friend asked me that when my little gray cat, Pie, passed away, and I was visibly heartbroken. My friend couldn’t understand why I would choose to adopt an animal whom I knew would die and leave me grieving. “Why would you willingly open yourself up to that kind of pain?” he wanted to know.
Yes, I knew Pie was elderly and had lots of health issues. But she gave me so much in the two and a half years I was lucky enough to have her company. She sat in my lap every chance she got and purred. In fact, she purred almost any time I touched her. Her fur was a satiny gray, her eyes a gorgeous green-gold with black and white eyeliner. She had dainty little white paws.
And Pie had attitude. During her first two days in my house, she put my 90-pound golden retriever and my very feisty Yorkshire terrier firmly in their places. She was the queen; they were her serfs. When my daughter’s cat dared to come visit, Pie went into velociraptor mode, banishing the invader to the third floor. Yet she never once bared tooth or claw to a human.
Pie and one of her serfs, coexisting peacefully
Pie was a survivor. She had escaped being euthanized at one shelter by engaging the affections of a volunteer there, who shifted her to another shelter, in the hope she might be adopted. That was where my daughter met her. Pie persuaded my daughter to foster her by just being Pie: purring, affectionate, and determined to charm a human into keeping her. So the little gray cat came to my house for Christmas…and stayed, even though I didn’t want a cat. Turned out she was the best Christmas gift I’ve ever received.
Because of her journey through multiple shelters, we knew nothing of Pie’s history. But it was clear she needed medical attention. Through the efforts of my wonderful vet, we found a combination of medications that kept her stable and comfortable. Then the cancer struck. But Pie was a fighter. She went through several operations and came out purring. Until finally, a second kind of cancer reared its ugly head. Then all I could do was make whatever time she had left the best possible.
So I treasured every day of her company and loved her even more for her indomitable spirit. Until she let me know that it was time, and I made the heartbreaking decision to put her to sleep. She died peacefully in my arms. And now I have a gaping hole in my heart.
So, why do I do it?
It’s because I choose to love. And love always, always contains the seeds of loss. Because we are all mortal and our death will inevitably cause someone pain. But life cannot be lived fully without allowing others into your heart. The fact that I choose to embrace not just humans but other creatures makes my life so much richer, even as it guarantees that I will experience more grief and loss.
Yes, today I am grieving, but I think of all the days I had the delight of Pie’s sweet presence in my life. All the days her purring lightened my heart. All the days she soothed my soul by curling her independent little self up on my lap of her own free will. All the days she chose to be with me. She gave me far more than I gave her.
Pie on my lap, her favorite place
For me there is no question of why, but only when I will joyfully adopt an animal again.
R.I.P. Pie and Rocky. You are no longer by my side but forever in my heart.
Beautifully said and straight from the heart!
As a recently departed smart woman said to me: “Love. Life is short. Love.”
Hugs, Nancy! My heart aches for your loss, but I doubt that any of us who have had cherished fur-purrsons in our lives would ask you why. For us, it is usually, why not, lol. What a beautiful tribute to both of your furry children, thank you for sharing the joy that they brought you. Sympathies for your losses.
Thank you so much, ELF! I appreciate your sympathy and your understanding. It means a lot.
That was beautiful! Sometimes I think a person has to be a true pet lover to understand the loss.
I’m glad you found it moving, Ellen. You’re right: Not everyone understands the joy of loving an animal deep down inside. I actually feel sorry for them.
Nancy, you did the right thing. Pie and Rocky gave you love, and in return you let them go rather than have them suffer. RIP!
Nancy, you did the right thing. They both gave you so much love, and you loved them enough to make sure they didn’t suffer. Rest in peace Rocky and Pie!
What a lovely tribute to Pie and Rocky. I agree with everything you said. Our lives are so much richer when shared with pets.Gay
Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing your love and grief with us.
I too choose to love… and then again…
I help out with a feral cat rescue group, and sometimes my heart chooses without me knowing, and there I am loving a cat I can’t take home, one I look for on each visit and my heart soars when she’s there. Yes the pain will come eventually, but in the meantime, in love there is life.
Nancy
That was lovely and bought tears to my eyes. I adopted a 2 yr old from the shelter. Smokey joe had a chronic eye condition. That was not what got her though. She crossed the bridge after being with us for only two months. He was in pain one night and he had a vet appt the next day. We woke up and he was gone. The vet did a narcopsy and found he had adult feline pancreatitis. The only thing that kept me going was the joy he gave and got while he was here. That was a year ago and I’m finally ready for another kitten.
Oh, Nancy..I get it. Your words are beautiful and so true. We pondered for quite awhile about adopting another dog in our retirement years. We know what it’s like to lose a beloved pet. Everytime I look at our Harper, I know we made the right decision. What a joy she is. So much love. So much comfort. She has added so much to our lives. Yes..there is the inevitable, as there is with all living things. LOVE AND JOY MAKE IT ALL WORTHWHILE. Thinking of you, Nancy. Thanks for your heartfelt words.
I have been blessed with not having to choose the moment of my animals walking the Rainbow Bridge and while I cry for the ones that graced my life, your grief is more intense.
Some of us choose the elderly because we know for the remaining time, we will give them the love they may not have gotten at all or the kindness that was only extended because they were young and vital. And some of those young ones we bypassed come to us in their waning years because they also were seen as no longerp viable.
I am weeping at your losses and understand your grief. Thank you for sharing your animals both in life on this side and their journey home.
It’s not often that a blog post sticks with me. This one will.
Thank you, Nancy!
Beautifully said. So sorry for your loss. But they are together at the rainbow bridge watching over you and knowing you loved them!
Very moving and I commend you for what you have been able to do. We need more people to choose love, for pets and for people. You have a wonderful heart and I applaud you. Hugs!
You are so lovely to applaud me, Anne, but I adopt the critters for purely selfish reasons: I love having them. They make my house a home. I grew up surrounded with animals so it seems natural to me. Hugs back to you!
I have really enjoyed your books and even more so when I discovered we are from the same place. I have rescued countless dogs, cats, and even a cockatoo! Their leaving is devastating, but the joy they bring is without measure. Thank you for sharing your fur children.
Thank you so much for the kind words, Eliza. I can’t imagine life without pets. They add such richness–and laughter!–to our lives. How wonderful that we share a love for our fur children!